From the Quill of Rita Skeeter
by Lady Evans Potter
Summary: What if Harry Potter was resorted into Slytherin? What if he was photograped with two women? Newsflashes as they would be written by Rita Skeeter. "Companion piece" to Kamerreon's Your Headline News.
1. Potter, the Next Dark Lord!

**Potter, the next Dark Lord!**

_Summary: A kind of challenge from Kamerreon's __**Your Headline News**__. What if Harry Potter was resorted into Slytherin? A newsflash as it would be written by Rita Skeeter._

**Authored by LadyEvansPotter**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. *sobs* Why does the gods hate me? (lol)

Other than that, know this: The story was a spur of the moment in account of the writing of it, and is unedited, unbeta'ed and it's late at night (almost). Therefore, please excuse any spelling mistakes. And now, to the story.

_**The Daily Prophet, 2**__**nd**__** of September 1996.**_

_It has come to the attention of this reporter that a rather unusual event has taken place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry; Yesterday, at the First of September, Headmaster Dumbledore announced that all students from fifth year and up would be resorted, and that included the sixteen year old Boy-Who-Lived. _

_Now, my dear readers, let it not be said that he did not try to be free from this 'Ridiculous happenings', as he was recorded to say, for he most likely knew what would happen should the Sorting Hat be placed on his head once again. _

_The Headmaster claimed that the children that have lived, and partly participated, in the war no longer has the same needs as they did when they first entered Hogwarts, and as such he felt it would be better if they had another sorting, so that they could be placed in their now right house, if it had changed. _

_The savior that we all know the name of, and who in fact saved us from You-Know-Who, was Sorted again, when it was his turn. According to my sources, he was seen sending a hateful look at the headmaster, as if he knew, or thought, that this new development was just a farce that Dumbledore had arranged to make sure the Savior had everything he needed. _

_Imagine my shock, good readers, when the Sorting Hat, after minutes of arguing with Harry Potter, shouted out __**Slytherin**__ as the new house of the last Potter. The boy seemed angry with the hat, as if he was tempted to destroy it. _

_Now, dear readers, let me remind you of the story that follows Hogwarts. Gryffindor has always been the house of the brave and noble, those that will fight for others. Ravenclaw has for many years, back to its founder, always been seen as the home of those that are seekers of knowledge and what it may bring. Following this there is Hufflepuff, which seems to be a house that contains the hardworking and the most loyal of loyal. And then there is Slytherin; the house of Dark Lord and Dark Wizards. This can be seen as it is usually Slytherins that follows a dark lord most eagerly. The house stands for cunning, slyness and ambition, according to the Sorting Hat, but who said hats can't lie? _

_After the Hat's declaration, Mr. Potter strutted to his new house table before sitting down next to – horror of all horrors – Draco Lucius Malfoy, and began talking friendly to him, while glaring every few minutes at the headmaster of Hogwarts. Now if this is not the sign of a new Dark Lord, I don't know what would be._

_Let it be known that the Malfoy family has always been dark, as seen in the recent war with the Dark Lord, where Harry Potter vanquished him. It can also be speculated whether Harry just wanted competition out of the way, or maybe he felt that You-Know-Who was an inferior person at being a dark lord, seeing as he had been defeated by a baby._

_Who will save us from the former Savior, if he indeed has turned Dark on us? What will his priorities be? Who will he then murder first, or will he be a master of deception, lies and torture? There is no doubt that the Savior has abandoned us now that he is a Slytherin. He always based much on the Hogwarts houses…_

_This reporter wonders what the future will bring, and hopefully it will not include another Wizarding War. There seemed to have been enough of them recently as it is._

**A/N:**

Uhm… What do you think? Ages ago, I read _Your Headline News_, and thought it to be a rather amusing story. I haven't talked to Kamerreon recently, but as far as I remember, I was allowed to write the articles that Rita wrote… I think the condition was that I named the base story (YHN) or something, but not entirely sure.

Anyway, did that sound like Rita? I haven't read the HP books in ages, and half based her character from what I remember from reading other stories where she writes in the Daily Prophet. (For instance, Abandon by Batsutousai (I hoped I spelled that right). Wonderful story).

Feel free to review, and I must admit this is just a little idea that crossed my mind when once again reading the aforementioned story by Kamerreon. I've lost count of how many times I've read it. ^^

And I hope the story is not crap. :p And feel free to check out my other stories.

**A/N2: **

Fixed an error, but also have a small announcement: In time, this fic will change name from the current (Potter, the next Dark Lord) to _From the Quill of Rita Skeeter_, I think. But it will contain the articles of the aforementioned story by Kamerreon, but possibly not all of them. It will be like a colletion of oneshots, I suppose.

Yours,

LadyEvansPotter.


	2. Potter, a Love Machine?

**Potter, a Love Machine?**

Authored by LadyEvansPotter

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Summary: In which Harry was photographed with three witches, and Rita speculates.

**The Daily Prophet, the 23****rd**** of September 1996**

_It has come to the attention of this reporter that a certain private picture has been released to the press, or rather to yours truly, Rita Skeeter. This photograph is not suited for children, so it will not be published here in the Daily Prophet, but I have been allowed to tell you about it._

_The photograph contains our Saviour, the Boy Who Lived; Harry Potter. He was found in a bed with no less than __**three**__ females, all identified as a part of the Hogwarts student body. The girls refused to be named in the Prophet, but this reporter may tell you that they belonged to the houses Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Slytherin, surprisingly enough. _

_The evening this photograph was taken, possibly along with someone else, was an evening of enjoyment, where Headmaster Dumbledore had allowed the sixth and seventh years to have some time together, while for one being allowed to drink brew suited for those above the age of seventeen. _

_As far as this reporter understands, there was the matter of game, apparently from Muggle origin, named Truth and Dare being played, but it is not known if the portrait taken is somehow related to the game being played. However, the headmaster might be right in the fact that this helped with the differences of the houses, and that they are now much closer than they were before. _

_But this reporter can't help but wonder how our Saviour won the battle against Voldemort, since Mr. Potter came back looking exhausted, but seemed completely satisfied. Could there be something more than just a heartfelt rivalry between the boy who lived and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Let us not forget that it is quite common in the Wizarding World of same-sex relationships, and that the Boy-Who-Lived has been involved with males before, even before he was sorted into Slytherin..._

_Could he want to hide something? This reporter doesn't know, but will tell you as soon as she does, if she finds out._

**A/N:**

Uhm... I just had an exam before exam thing, and my hand HURTS. So I shouldn't be writing. Nonetheless, here is the next part of _From the Quill of Rita Skeeter_. Hope you liked it. Ouch, I better stop writing now, and my hand needs rest before work tomorrow. Life's unfair, you know? This was supposed to be my free weekend, and yet the boss puts me up on working. But then again, I need the money, it's expensive to study. oO Coffee around the clock empties my pocket book! =P

Ops, ranting. Sorry about that. Does anyone know how utterly boring _Death of a Salesman_ is? It's horrible... at least _The Great Gatsby_ wasn't THAT bad... Ops, there she goes again.

But review and let me know what you think? Don't know when next instalment will be uploaded, not to mention written.

Your,

Lady Evans Potter.


	3. Death Eater's Son Rigs Quidditch Match

**From the Quill of Rita Skeeter**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. That honour belongs to J.K. Rowling.

**Author:** LadyEvansPotter

**FYI: This story is based on the one shot of Kamerreon named _Your headline news_ and will therefore contradict itself, like in this part. This means that even if part one said that Harry was sorted into Slytherin, for the reminder of this he is still in Gryffindor, unless one article states something different, and then it is only for that article. So, cannon, but not cannon, savvy? **

**Summary**: In which Draco distracts Harry while playing Quidditch.

**The Daily Prophet, the 6th of October 1996**

_**Death Eater's Son Rigs Quidditch Match!**_

_It has come to the attention of this reporter that there has been held a rigged Quidditch match at Hogwarts this last weekend. The match in question was between Gryffindor House and Slytherin House, and many of my faithful readers may know, those are the houses of our Saviour, Harry Potter, and Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy, respectably. _

_As many of you may know, there is a rivalry between those two houses, whereas one is known as the house that raises Death Eaters and Dark Lords, while the other is known as the house of Saviours and fighters of the Light. This rivalry is also quite known to escalate into Quidditch matches. _

_However, enough of information you all should know, and onto the real cause of this article. I happened to be present at the Quidditch game in question, and I must say I am surprised with how far some people go to cheat! For those of you who were not present at this match, let me explain. _

_The match began as usual for the teams, with Madam Hooch asking for a nice, clean match, while the Slytherins were sneaky and the Gryffindors honourable and hoping to win by their great skills. However, it soon became apparent that this would be a match unlike any, when captain and Seeker, Draco Malfoy flew directly at the other Seeker and captain, Harry Potter. Now you must all know, these two are considered great rivals, and hardly ever do anything that is meant in a good way towards each other. Then, imagine our surprise when the Slytherin Seeker began to distract our beloved Boy Who Lived by snogging him! _

_And if that was not enough, then imagine the surprise of the crowd when our Saviour was left dazed and the Slytherin Seeker left seconds after to capture the Snitch! This is a most unusual way of distracting ones opponent, and I am sure the Board of Governors will be discussing this matter if it is an acceptable way of doing so. _

_This reporter wants to know, and let us hope that next time these two teams meet that there will be no cheating. _

**A/N:**

I bet you didn't see that as a way of rigging the Quidditch match! Lol, it was what popped into my head when finishing this part of _From the Quill of Rita Skeeter_.

Yeah, I know it's not long, but it didn't want to be! :P (Meaning I didn't know what to write). Ahem. Anyway, I hope someone reviews. I'm a review-slut. :P

However, I don't know when the next oneshot is coming up, but I hope to post it on my birthday (which is the 18th of December).

Yours,

Lady Evans Potter


	4. Harry Potter Murders Hufflepuffs

**From the Quill of Rita Skeeter**

**Author: **Lady Evans Potter

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, sadly.

First of all, I'd like to thank the five persons who have reviewed for the first three parts of this series of oneshots. However, I'd like you all to know that I am a bit insulted that while numbers shows that a bit more than 300 have read this story, and yet only five took the time to actually review. So please, review? I'd like to know what you think about it, be it criticism or just a simple "I liked it." I'm not asking for reviews as a payment for writing, as certain authors do, I am merely curious to what you think of it.

-

_**Harry Potter Murders Hufflepuffs!**_

_Recent reports from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry shows a decrease in the population of the house of Helga Hufflepuff. Rumours amongst the students say that this is the work of Harry Potter, defeater of Dark Lord Voldemort. _

_A grand total of seven students have been found poisoned by serpents' venom, and the logical assumption would be that the one behind this attacks is Harry Potter, seeing as he is the only Parselmouth still alive in this world. However, let it not be forgotten that the most notorious past Parselmouth in recent history was none other than Lord Voldemort. _

_There have been several snake venoms included in these attacks on the members of Hufflepuff house, such as the King Cobra, Black Mamba, the Runespoor and the Spitting Cobra. Let it also be noted that all the Hufflepuffs attacked are members of the Unofficial Harry Potter Fan Club, which is headed by Ginerva Weasley and Colin Creevey. Curiously enough, neither of them has been attacked._

_As per this day, four of the seven students are still fighting for their lives, as their bodies were not able to fight the venom by themselves. The other three are happy to be up and about again, and rumour has it that they are kept wondering about who attacked them. The last thing every one of them remembers is the hissing of a snake before it bit them, at which point they collapsed. _

_This reporter hopes that the guilty party of these attacks will be found and punished. Let justice be done upon the guilty. _

**A/N:**

Sorry about the little bit of ranting, but I had to get it out. Also, I apologize about the shortness of this part, but I've just started up at the University again, so I've been writing this on the bus on my way home, and at that point, I'm almost out of power.

But enough of that. Did you like this piece? I'm not entirety happy with the ending, but shit happens.

Thanks for reading, and feel free to leave a review.

Lady Evans Potter


	5. The Boy Who Lived to Kill Himself

**From the Quill of Rita Skeeter**

**Author**: Lady Evans Potter

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, not do I make any profit from writing this.

AN: Thanks to all of you eight that have taken the time to review the story, and most recently, the two that reviewed on part four.

_**The Boy Who Lived to Kill Himself**_

_In a grave announcement from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Headmaster Dumbledore confirms the rumours that our beloved Saviour, Harry James Potter, the Boy Who Lived, sadly have committed suicide. _

_This was done upon the date of 31th of October, on the fifteenth anniversary of the death of Harry's beloved parents, Lily Rose Potter nee Evans, and James Harold Potter, who died in the war against Dark Lord Voldemort. _

_This reporter may only assume our Hero was too lonely, too unloved (as his most recent love left him for another) to wish to continue living. We will always remember the Hero who saved us from the Dark Lord after his Second Rise to power, and we will honour his memory._

_May he have the peace in the afterlife that he was denied while he lived._

**AN:**

Soo... what do you think? I know I haven't updated in... Quite a lot of months, but I hope to get around to write some more during this December. Also, I will be posting another story soon, after I have edited it. I did NaNoWriMo this year, and I won, but I think I might finish the story before I start posting it. Depends on how busy it gets.

-Lady Evans Potter


	6. Potter plans a House Elf revolt

**From the Quill of Rita Skeeter**

**Part 6 – Potter plans a House Elf revolt**

Written by **LadyEvansPotter**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own _Your Headline News_ by Kamerreon/ Ell Roche.

Summary: In which Harry's friendship with Dobby is discovered.

_My dear readers, recent interviews with some of the esteemed students of Hogwarts tells me that our Saviour, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, may be planning a House Elf revolt. He was overheard talking to a House Elf that was apparently wearing an old, home knitted sweater as well as wearing a ridiculous amount of socks. This reporter cannot help but wonder if this is the way our Saviour is replaying the House Elves, while egging them up to stand against their masters and employers._

_Mr. Potter was overheard talking about, and I quote, 'the place I told you about, and you can't tell anyone yet, it must remain a secret until we are ready to act.' _

_This reporter cannot help but worry about how the Boy Who Lived's actions will affect us all in the future._

_**AN:**  
_

Short, to the point, and hopefully you like it.

So yes. It's been almost two years since I last updated this story, more than a year and a half since I last updated anything. Excuses? I rediscovered the joys of playing games, real life has fucked me over, and I've been dealing with a loss of a family member. I dropped out of Uni for a semester, and Uni is resuming again soon, so I should get my attention on that as well.

Also: I ask that everyone who doesn't have anything better to do go check out Ell Roche, which is Kamerreon's new penname, and who has turned out to a world of het. I admire her greatly, and she has, and will probably be, one of the few authors on that I will most likely never forget about. She has certainly impacted my life a lot.

Did you like this report? Hate it? Tell me if you got the patience to spare and write a few words.

Yours,

LadyEvansPotter


	7. Harry Potter's secret love affair!

**From the Quill of Rita Skeeter**

**Harry Potter's secret love affair**

Written by LadyEvansPotter

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, not do I own _Your Headline News_ by Kamerreon.

Summary: In which Ron is discovered to be Harry's most precious person.

_It has come to the attention of this reporter that our youngest Tri-Wizard tournament Champion may have been having a secret love affair in front of us all without anyone noticing it. _

_During the Second Task, Ronald Weasley was the person that Mr. Potter was set up to save, whereas two of the other three Champions were to save their dates from the Yule Ball. One might wonder as to why the Boy-Who-Lived had a male companion chosen, whereas the other Champions had their girlfriends or female interests chosen, with the exception of Ms. Delacour, who's esteemed sister was chosen instead. _

_Is it a case of young love between Messers Potter and Weasley? If so, let us wish for all the best for the two; however let us not forget that Mr. Potter brought Ms Patil to the Yule Ball after being rumoured to have been turned down by Ms. Chang. This reporter would love an answer to her questions, and will keep digging for you, my dear readers._

**A/N:**

Well. I'm not quite dead yet. Will be in two weeks though, rofl, bloody uni too busy. What do you think? Feel free to leave a review.

A little note of thanks to Alex Lilly Potter, for actually reminding me it's been forever since I updated.

Lady Evans Potter


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